If I could pick one unit of measure to assess my year, it would be in liquid measurement. Countless cups of tea and alcohol course through my veins, but each cup is associated with an experience. Tea soothes headaches and stomache pains while alcohol can soothe heartbreak (not that it should!). But how do we measure love? Without turning this into a RENT karaoke, love is obviously a different feeling and experience for everyone. Love was the theme of 2014 for me but it took a year to figure out what it is about love that made me cry, laugh, excited, nervous, and mad.
1. Capacity to Love
Everyone values time differently. Those who work hourly know exactly what I’m talking about. There’s nothing better than sitting by your schedule, calculating the estimated pay cheque using what your hour is worth times the amount of time you put in. Punch in, punch out; money in, money out. It’s harder to gauge what love is worth because every connection is different. Rituals such as making dinner, getting flowers, cleaning the apartment, getting gifts are little things in any connection – roommates, siblings, significant others, parental – that are nice gestures to say “I care about you”. But these rituals are a two way street since no one wants to be conducting one-sided rituals. I performed such gestures early in the summer and found out the hard way that you cannot fling yourself at someone hard enough to make them feel as intensely as you do.
2. Different Kinds of Love
Love applies to parents, friends, family, friends who are considered family, significant others, parental figures, etc. Heck, my mom calls my best friend, “the other son”. Along with different kinds of love are different intensities. My love for my parents is coupled with a deep appreciation for the things that they do for me. As I get older (and hopefully wiser), it’s funny how many times I’ve muttered “goddammit, mom was right”. However relationships spark a different intensity, which is probably a combination of sexual interest, nervousness, and possibilities. Spending time with someone who shares mutual interests and lifestyles is an exciting prospect since companionship can be a wonderful warm feeling. Knowing what these different loves had to offer and what kinds of feelings they inspired helped me decipher how I felt about certain people.
3. The Right Time to Love
Love felt like a code that I needed to crack in order to sort out my life. The message I interpreted from 2014 was more of a wake-up call to appreciate the loves I had rather than seek new ones to fill the space that used to be devoted to relationships. I’ve reacquainted myself with close friends and I’ll be moving in with my best friend this year (my mom will probably be excited for that). This revelation occurred once I realized that I could not fully care for someone to full capacity without caring for myself first. Right now I need to work on loving myself, my friends, my family, and my practice before embarking on a relationship.
This will be a good time capsule post for myself so I can reflect once again in a year to see what I have learned. Love seemed to be the overall theme for 2014, so I’m excited for 2015 now that I have more focus on what I want in life. You know, besides more tea and kitchenware.